This week a younger homeschooling mom called me in tears, feeling overwhelmed by the competing demands of homeschooling, the needs of her children, the needs of her husband, and the demands being placed on her at her part time job. Notice that nowhere in the discussion did she even begin to consider her own needs....which had lead to her complete meltdown!
Nowadays, I know that there are many reasons that can lead a mother to believe she needs to get out there and make money. Some of these are genuine, like when a husband has lost his job and she needs to temporarily get out there and help out while he is looking for new employment. Some are absolutely necessary, as might be the case with a single mom who is the only provider for the family. However, sometimes, an adjustment in lifestyle might be the answer, so that her income is no longer required. A lot of homeschooling families do this already, pinching pennies, buying bread at day-old stores, using coupons, etc. This is all commendable, but in order to really be able to live on one income, bigger changes might be needed...like selling a large house and going to live in something more modest, or perhaps trying to make it with only one car.
Everybody has to make decisions like this on their own, because each family is different. All I can share is my own experience. Our family did its level best over the years to live within my husband's income. Even now, I drive an older car I inherited from my mom, and we live in a house that many people would consider unacceptable...of course, others in third world countries would do anything for the luxury we enjoy within our four walls! When I did do things to make some extra money, it was always something under my own control...things like teaching Lamaze classes as an independent contractor, starting my own dba to teach outside classes, switching to a non-profit corporation (with me still in control) when we grew too large. Even today, I'm still an independent contractor working as an appraiser.
My point is simple, even though I feel like I'm beating around the bush a little...When a mom is considering employment outside the home, first consider if there is a way to make it unnecessary by cutting back. Second, if a mom absolutely has to work, try to find some way to do it without having a "boss" other than yourself. The reason is simple...women already have enough bosses without adding one more! A woman is already accountable to God, to her husband, to her children, and to herself. In addition, she may feel accountable (perhaps unnecessarily) to others outside the immediate family, like her parents, her in-laws, her friends, her homeschooling colleagues, or the evaluators in her school district. It's no wonder we break down sometimes! Adding in accountability to one more person, especially a boss at an outside job, might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Somewhere, somehow, homeschooling moms (and other moms, too!) have to stop and make some time for themselves. Without having the time to re-center and re-energize, we have nothing left to give those who are depending on us everyday. This is not selfish! It is absolutely necessary for the family to function smoothly. This includes things like eating right, exercising, getting fresh air every day, and finding time to learn things that you want to learn. When you are planning activities for the year, throw yourself into the mix. Also, remember that if every child in the family is "in balance", with just the right number of activities, and you add them all up and drive them there, you will be the one out of balance! Don't feel like you need to spend every day doing things outside of the home in order to provide enough enrichment....spend some of your time "homeschooling" actually being at home! (And not necessarily hunched over schoolbooks, either!) I feel like I'm preaching, but I get too many phone calls like this. It shouldn't be this difficult to find the right mix. Homeschooling can really be a relaxed, joyful experience. If it isn't, figure out what needs to change in order to get that feeling back....Life is too short to spend it having meltdowns.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Back from Austin Fair
Ok, I promised one blog a week this year, but I just got back from the Austin, TX fair, I'm tired, and this will be short! We had a good time at the Trust in Learning conference there. I stayed with an old-timey homeschooler, and we had a lot of good conversations. One of them was about field trips. We both reminisced about some great bonding times we had with our children doing field trips. In one long trip, she and her kids went to all of the missions in California. (Note: She recommends not EVER doing that.) Still, after all these years, even though it was kind of hard, she remembers those times with her kids....I remember the time I went across country with Steve, who was then about 13, and we camped all the way there and all the way back. We saw the Grand Canyon, and camped out beneath the beautiful New Mexico sky. One night we camped beside a swamp in Mississippi, and even though there was no rain at all, we woke up to having everything in our campsite soaked to the gills. Two nights later, in the hill country of New Mexico, it rained directly into the tent, which had an open screen top, and nothing got wet at all!
Those are the best field trips, in my opinion, the ones with just you and your kids, or you and a single kid, when not everything is planned in advance and there is all kinds of room for serendipity. The big planned ones can be nice, too, but these family trips will be remembered forever! Take the initiative and go somewhere fun this year! Mary
Those are the best field trips, in my opinion, the ones with just you and your kids, or you and a single kid, when not everything is planned in advance and there is all kinds of room for serendipity. The big planned ones can be nice, too, but these family trips will be remembered forever! Take the initiative and go somewhere fun this year! Mary
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Overcoming (or not!) Frustration
I said at the beginning of the year that, barring almost anything, I would make a post on here once a week, usually on Saturday mornings. Yesterday, though, I just couldn't get myself to share...I kept thinking, "You know, I should really get on and vent just so everybody could see that Mary Hood has bad days,too!" It was just one of those days when everything that could go wrong, did! My husband was getting ready to leave for three weeks on a work assignment, my car was acting up, and the work I was supposed to be doing as an appraiser was incredibly frustrating.
I know, though, that my real frustration is that I feel like I'm wasting valuable time doing all this real estate work. I know in my heart that my destiny is still in the field of parent education, that I have a lot of important things left to accomplish helping homeschooling families, and that I'm not a spring chicken anymore...Once you hit 60, which I did last year, you start feeling the clock ticking. I just can't understand why God seems to be keeping me marching in place right now when I so much want to be charging ahead. I can visualize so clearly the place we're trying to create, a conference center in the Georgia Mountains....I can see the children putting on plays on the porch of the log cabin, the moms having fellowship around the campfire, the teens making memories at summer camps...but, right now it seems that, in the words of the song, "Only trouble is, gee whiz, I'm dreaming my life away."
I wish I had some miraculous concluding paragraph that sums up how I found peace and contentment in the midst of it all...but I'm afraid those aren't really my strong suits, especially right now! Oh, I can QUOTE it...(Philippians 4:11...for I have learned in whatever state I am, therewith to be content." Living that statement out isn't always quite that easy.
The one thing I have learned, over the years, is that sometimes God just does that...stops us in our tracks for awhile, perhaps confined to a bed, perhaps sick and pregant, perhaps fighting emotional problems, maybe just wrestling with a third grade who can't learn her multiplication facts. Whatever he has us going through, it usually turns out to be some kind of a learning experience, or maybe even a blessing in disguise. I've also learned that I can try to figure out the reason until the cows come home, but sometimes, it is just isn't going to happen. Then all any of us can do is to try to trust God, hope for the future, and keep sloshing through the present, one foot ahead of the other, until we come out on the other side.
I do have one thing to look forward to this weekend...whatever happens the next three days, on Thursday I'm headed off to Austin to speak at a fair and meet some of you! I'm really looking forward to that, and hope the snow and ice go away so all you Texans can come out and enjoy it with me. For info, go to http://www.trustinlearning.info/. Hope to see you there!
I know, though, that my real frustration is that I feel like I'm wasting valuable time doing all this real estate work. I know in my heart that my destiny is still in the field of parent education, that I have a lot of important things left to accomplish helping homeschooling families, and that I'm not a spring chicken anymore...Once you hit 60, which I did last year, you start feeling the clock ticking. I just can't understand why God seems to be keeping me marching in place right now when I so much want to be charging ahead. I can visualize so clearly the place we're trying to create, a conference center in the Georgia Mountains....I can see the children putting on plays on the porch of the log cabin, the moms having fellowship around the campfire, the teens making memories at summer camps...but, right now it seems that, in the words of the song, "Only trouble is, gee whiz, I'm dreaming my life away."
I wish I had some miraculous concluding paragraph that sums up how I found peace and contentment in the midst of it all...but I'm afraid those aren't really my strong suits, especially right now! Oh, I can QUOTE it...(Philippians 4:11...for I have learned in whatever state I am, therewith to be content." Living that statement out isn't always quite that easy.
The one thing I have learned, over the years, is that sometimes God just does that...stops us in our tracks for awhile, perhaps confined to a bed, perhaps sick and pregant, perhaps fighting emotional problems, maybe just wrestling with a third grade who can't learn her multiplication facts. Whatever he has us going through, it usually turns out to be some kind of a learning experience, or maybe even a blessing in disguise. I've also learned that I can try to figure out the reason until the cows come home, but sometimes, it is just isn't going to happen. Then all any of us can do is to try to trust God, hope for the future, and keep sloshing through the present, one foot ahead of the other, until we come out on the other side.
I do have one thing to look forward to this weekend...whatever happens the next three days, on Thursday I'm headed off to Austin to speak at a fair and meet some of you! I'm really looking forward to that, and hope the snow and ice go away so all you Texans can come out and enjoy it with me. For info, go to http://www.trustinlearning.info/. Hope to see you there!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Learning Styles
In my writing and speaking on the subject of reading, I've often discussed the importance of recognizing learning styles. Today I'm not focusing on the learning styles of the children, but the personality, interests, and learning style of the mother. So often, during the years when we are swamped with attending to the needs of others, we fail to pay adequate attention to our own needs. That's why my cd called, "How to Avoid Being a Mommy Martyr" is the most frequently requested talk I give! None of us wants to completely lose ourselves in the quest for being a successful homeschooling moms.
No matter how much we may try to focus on the needs of others, especially our children, our own subconscious needs and learning styles will always influence our interactions with others. That's why it is important to take the time, once in awhile, to think through what those might be.
When I first starting talking about learning styles, many years ago, no one knew what I was talking about. Nowadays, most people recognize the differences between the visual learner, the auditory learner, and the kinesthetic one. When talking about children, I have stated that you can begin to figure this out by observing your children when you read to them. The auditory one will be staring into space; the visual one will demand to sit next to you and look at the page, and the kinesthetic one will be over in the corner playing with his trucks, or bouncing next to you acting disruptive.
One thing people forget, though, is that all of these learning styles can sometimes co-exist in a single learner! You can overlap, you can change from one to the other, or you may find that one predominates in some circumstances, and another one in a different circumstance. I'm a perfect example of this. I clearly have some auditory learner inside me. That's why I can stand up and give a 6 hour talk without notes; it is also why I rarely make hand-outs, and don't particularly like working with overhead projectors or other visual aids. On the other hand, when I'm asked to spell a word, I write it out in the air. When my husband tries to give me directions, I have to have him make a map or write it out, which are both characteristics of visual learners. When I was in college, I would make copious notes on every lecture. However, I never read them or studied them later! What appeared to be a visual need, (making notes), was probably actually a kinesthetic need...the need to be physically doing something in order to pay attention in class.
In order to get in touch with your own personality, interests, needs and learning styles, I suggest you take a trip back down memory lane and think of what you were like in the elementary years, before high school. Once you get to high school, there are so many other influences, including the expectations of others, that you may have let your own needs get pushed down too far to recognize.
When I think of myself as a young child, several things come to mind. I'm a nature girl, not exactly a tomboy, but definitely with tendencies in that direction. I always preferred "guy" things, like woodworking, to "girl" things, like sewing. I always preferred being outdoors, and related better to plants and animals than I did to people. My best friends were often boys. Observing my own needs, I recognize that I have a tremendous need for balance. I've got to have some time alone, but I also need time with others. When my children were young, I was often out of balance because I didn't have enough "alone time". Now I'm facing the opposite challenge.
Thinking about your own needs may seem a bit selfish....but it is one of the best things you can do for your family. If you are a visual learner, you will tend to drive one of your sons crazy asking him to show you his math work. If you are an "in-your-head" math person, you will drive somebody else crazy using the word, "just"...You just multiply the blah blah blah blah blah and then blah blah blah blah blah." Understanding how you think will help you to finally realize that everybody else does not have the same needs, wants, desires, interests, modes of thinking, or learning styles that you do. Once you are clear what your own needs are, you will finally be freed up to focus on the genuine needs of your children.
No matter how much we may try to focus on the needs of others, especially our children, our own subconscious needs and learning styles will always influence our interactions with others. That's why it is important to take the time, once in awhile, to think through what those might be.
When I first starting talking about learning styles, many years ago, no one knew what I was talking about. Nowadays, most people recognize the differences between the visual learner, the auditory learner, and the kinesthetic one. When talking about children, I have stated that you can begin to figure this out by observing your children when you read to them. The auditory one will be staring into space; the visual one will demand to sit next to you and look at the page, and the kinesthetic one will be over in the corner playing with his trucks, or bouncing next to you acting disruptive.
One thing people forget, though, is that all of these learning styles can sometimes co-exist in a single learner! You can overlap, you can change from one to the other, or you may find that one predominates in some circumstances, and another one in a different circumstance. I'm a perfect example of this. I clearly have some auditory learner inside me. That's why I can stand up and give a 6 hour talk without notes; it is also why I rarely make hand-outs, and don't particularly like working with overhead projectors or other visual aids. On the other hand, when I'm asked to spell a word, I write it out in the air. When my husband tries to give me directions, I have to have him make a map or write it out, which are both characteristics of visual learners. When I was in college, I would make copious notes on every lecture. However, I never read them or studied them later! What appeared to be a visual need, (making notes), was probably actually a kinesthetic need...the need to be physically doing something in order to pay attention in class.
In order to get in touch with your own personality, interests, needs and learning styles, I suggest you take a trip back down memory lane and think of what you were like in the elementary years, before high school. Once you get to high school, there are so many other influences, including the expectations of others, that you may have let your own needs get pushed down too far to recognize.
When I think of myself as a young child, several things come to mind. I'm a nature girl, not exactly a tomboy, but definitely with tendencies in that direction. I always preferred "guy" things, like woodworking, to "girl" things, like sewing. I always preferred being outdoors, and related better to plants and animals than I did to people. My best friends were often boys. Observing my own needs, I recognize that I have a tremendous need for balance. I've got to have some time alone, but I also need time with others. When my children were young, I was often out of balance because I didn't have enough "alone time". Now I'm facing the opposite challenge.
Thinking about your own needs may seem a bit selfish....but it is one of the best things you can do for your family. If you are a visual learner, you will tend to drive one of your sons crazy asking him to show you his math work. If you are an "in-your-head" math person, you will drive somebody else crazy using the word, "just"...You just multiply the blah blah blah blah blah and then blah blah blah blah blah." Understanding how you think will help you to finally realize that everybody else does not have the same needs, wants, desires, interests, modes of thinking, or learning styles that you do. Once you are clear what your own needs are, you will finally be freed up to focus on the genuine needs of your children.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Math and Science
The other night, at a small workshop, the following question was posed: "I have a son who is good at reading, writing, and science, but bad in math and spelling. People have suggested "math dyslexia".. Is there really such a thing? Will it stop him from doing well in science? What about spelling? How do I encourage him in the areas he is good at and help him in his weak areas?"
Well, kind a big question! Let me try to answer at least part of this. First, there is such a thing as math dyslexia. I know, because I obviously have it! It was one reason I was pathetic in math when I was young. (The other reasons had to do with lack of motivation, frustration, self-fulfilling prophecies, and ultimately, giving up.) I didn't get better at math until I was an adult and had need to do so. Since I've started working on it, I managed to teach through pre-calculus, run a business and then a non-profit corporation doing most of the bookkeeping myself, and be a statistics teaching assistant when I did my Ph.D. Obviously, it can be overcome. However, it takes a lot of motivation and determination, which are often not present in childhood.
Nowadays, for example, whenever I have to copy numbers (like from a checkbook to a ledger), I have learned I need to say them out loud and do them in groups of 3. Otherwise, I'll have all the numbers, but the order will probably be wrong. I'm appraising a house right now with the house number 2170...each time I use the number I have to look at it first. I know there is a 2, a 1, a 7, and a 0...but it is 2710? 2107? I've learned I have to check it EVERY time to be sure.
As far as the science connection goes, there is no need for math in the lower levels of science...you don't need to know math in order to make a leaf collection, raise animals, study seashells, etc. (Of course, in some cases, it might be helpful....but it wouldn't prevent anyone from getting involved. ) If somebody later decides to become an actual scientist, and needs a degree, at some point the math will become important. In order to get a degree in geology, for example, you need to take math all the way through calculus. As in my own case, I believe that the motivation will be strong enough later to overcome whatever real problems are present.
Also, I'm not sure how old the "son" in question is. If he is still younger than 12 or so, it might not be a real learning problem at all. Perhaps it might be a question of poorly chosen curriculum materials (based on his learning style), lack of motivation, or other factors. I have written extensively about this in the booklet, "Taking the Frustration out of Math" (also available as a cd)...For more info go to our website, http://www.archersforthelord.org/.
I'll tackle the "spelling question" another time.
Well, kind a big question! Let me try to answer at least part of this. First, there is such a thing as math dyslexia. I know, because I obviously have it! It was one reason I was pathetic in math when I was young. (The other reasons had to do with lack of motivation, frustration, self-fulfilling prophecies, and ultimately, giving up.) I didn't get better at math until I was an adult and had need to do so. Since I've started working on it, I managed to teach through pre-calculus, run a business and then a non-profit corporation doing most of the bookkeeping myself, and be a statistics teaching assistant when I did my Ph.D. Obviously, it can be overcome. However, it takes a lot of motivation and determination, which are often not present in childhood.
Nowadays, for example, whenever I have to copy numbers (like from a checkbook to a ledger), I have learned I need to say them out loud and do them in groups of 3. Otherwise, I'll have all the numbers, but the order will probably be wrong. I'm appraising a house right now with the house number 2170...each time I use the number I have to look at it first. I know there is a 2, a 1, a 7, and a 0...but it is 2710? 2107? I've learned I have to check it EVERY time to be sure.
As far as the science connection goes, there is no need for math in the lower levels of science...you don't need to know math in order to make a leaf collection, raise animals, study seashells, etc. (Of course, in some cases, it might be helpful....but it wouldn't prevent anyone from getting involved. ) If somebody later decides to become an actual scientist, and needs a degree, at some point the math will become important. In order to get a degree in geology, for example, you need to take math all the way through calculus. As in my own case, I believe that the motivation will be strong enough later to overcome whatever real problems are present.
Also, I'm not sure how old the "son" in question is. If he is still younger than 12 or so, it might not be a real learning problem at all. Perhaps it might be a question of poorly chosen curriculum materials (based on his learning style), lack of motivation, or other factors. I have written extensively about this in the booklet, "Taking the Frustration out of Math" (also available as a cd)...For more info go to our website, http://www.archersforthelord.org/.
I'll tackle the "spelling question" another time.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Speaking Engagements
If anyone could help me get the word about about the following, I'd appreciate it! I'm speaking in Austin TX at the Trust in Learning Conference on Feb 11-12. This is a small-ish conference with two main speakers, of which I am one. For information, go to http://www.trustinlearning.info/. (That makes way too much sense!). Also, if anyone is near where I live, around the Cartersville, GA area, I'm speaking at a home fellowship this coming Thursday.Jan. 20. Being a home, attendance is obviously limited. Email johnlaurapenn@yahoo.com to see if there is still room and get directions. It is up towards the Euharlee area.
In other news, our ice finally melted! I'm in the middle of writing a new article for "The Old Schoolhouse Magazine" on our mentoring program, and looking forward to finally getitng out to go running after a week of being a couch potato!
In other news, our ice finally melted! I'm in the middle of writing a new article for "The Old Schoolhouse Magazine" on our mentoring program, and looking forward to finally getitng out to go running after a week of being a couch potato!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Waiting for the Snowstorm
All of Atlanta is waiting right now for our promised 6 inch snowstorm. If it really hits, it should be interesting. As a former northerner, I'm always amused by how little snow it takes to shut everything down. However, to be fair, they have very little equipment...so snow removal is usually "wait until it melts". Anyway, we have food and a wood stove, so we should be good to go. If we have electricity, I'm hoping to spend the time writing an article on "Relaxed Homeschooling" for a project that The Old Schoolhouse Magazine is doing this spring. If no electricity, maybe I'll have to get a yellow legal pad and do it the old-fashioned way....kind of looking forward to the snow, but I get cabin fever really fast when I can't go running. Hope we can get around enough to have our board meeting on Tuesday. Time to get some of our projects up and running for the year!
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